It was a clear as a bell, like it always is when I stop to listen.
It was an answer to my two pages of questions to God.
It came from Bruce D. Porter and was entitled Beautiful Mornings.
My questions varied from how can I afford to go back to college to should we move to a cheaper place to save money. How can I strengthen my marriage? What is my life mission and how do I accomplish it? How can I be happy in my calling? (I meant my job at church but had no idea until I listened intently that I also needed this answer for my calling in life)
All the answers pointed to my most important title: mom
Pleasing God needs to be my first priority. When I make pleasing God the top priority in my heart, my husband and children rightfully earn their places at the top of my to-do lists. If pleasing God means that I have to quit my job and live on rice and beans, so be it. If it means that I don't get to go back to school for another year or two, it's o.k. I need to live my life on God's timetable and with his rules because He is where I will find the greatest happiness. If I never get the dream house or the coveted vacation because I limped through hubby's law school and supported him through the aftermath (and beyond - for the next 40 years of student loan payments) and encourage my children's extra-curriculars it will be to my glory: eventually.
For me the answer is always that MY JOB is to nurture my children and support my husband. My job is to let go of my need for approval in the eyes of others. I have to let go of the Western culture of acquiring wealth. I even have to let go of my need to achieve certain things because if I am doing it for me and not for Him, it's wrong. It'll never be right no matter how wonderful.
It's so ironic that after recommitting myself and finding inner peace,
my beautiful morning looks like this:
"Mom, do you know what this is?
It's my job to do."
"Mom, move out of my way!
I'm looking for something important.
Can you help me find it?"
Who knew inner peace would be so loud?
as one mess after another
for me to clean?
Once again I am brought to my knees.
Please God, help me to understand.
Help me be humble.
Help me love my job.
Help it to make me happy.
And I just found this on facebook and must include it
for my Mormon friends.
I guess things could always be worse.